Fear in a divorce is real.
Fear can create many problems in the divorce process when it’s not addressed correctly. Fear is a response to anxiety. That anxiety is a response to living in a world of uncertainty. What’s going to happen with me? What am I going to be doing? Am I going to have enough money to live on? What’s going to happen with our kids? Are they going to be okay? What’s going to happen if there’s a new relationship? Those are all questions that can cause anxiety. That anxiety can lead to fear and fear can be debilitating.
The easiest help with that anxiety and fear is to just talk about it.
DO: Talk with a good friend. Find a person who you can talk with openly and confidentially. This is where your good friends can make a huge difference for you, turn to them for support. Turn to them for a caring hug if that’s what you need and talk about what you’re going through.
DO: Talk with your therapist if you have one, or at least during the time of the divorce, spend a bit of money to get one. (You can and should talk with me. It’s important that I understand, but I’m not a therapist. You will spend your money more wisely talking about your fears with a therapist.
DON’T: Take your friend’s legal advice! Even if when there are similarities, your case is different from anyone else’s. For legal purposes or for parenting purposes, you need to have a team that can help you with that, and that’s what your divorce professionals are here for.
DON’T: Turn to your kids for support. This is not a kid’s topic. This is an adult topic. Even if your kids are adults, I would urge you not to be sharing a lot of these kinds of fears and concerns with them. They are the children of both of you. While they want to support you, they also want to love and support their other parent. You could end up in a situation where they could feel drawn or distanced from either or both parents.
If we’re in a Collaborative Divorce, trust the process.
Early in the process, it’s easy to question what’s happening. Remember that the Collaborative Divorce process allows you to express what your concerns are in a positive way, but it’s not going to happen in one day. Remember to have some trust and patience, and you’ll find that your fears will be reduced, and your anxieties allayed.